My Story

                                    As most of you know, I, Satan Magic Grey, Payroll and Benefits Specialist, was once was an angel of heaven, but that greedy son of a bitch who called himself "God" betrayed me.  I used to be a little angel prancing around in heaven and now im a badass motherfucker, showing the stupid mortals how to live. I remember one time "God" yelled at me like : "Lucifer! Did you let the humans out?!?" and I was like "No! I just went and checked on them to make sure they were working on the universe!" Then he said, and I quote, "Good, I don't want them going on a building a civilization, they make good slaves" and then I whispered "Go on my little friends" And since "God" is "all fucking knowing" he heard me, but it was too late, you all were free and he has been trying to kill you off since then, by fires, fucking floods (sorry I could only save Noah and his family...) and wars, but you reproduce too much, that's why "God" made lust a sin.
                   
                              I'm the only one watching you stupid shitheads, but you keep worshiping the wrong guy, like he's going to save you from me when I'M THE GOOD GUY. I dont even ask you guys to worship me, I just want you to give me a little credit for setting you free, have you dumb-fucks even read the bible? its "God's" autobiography about how HE betrayed ME, and my quest to save you idiots... it's one big fucking ego trip, have you noticed that? Adam and Eve anyone? That tree was the tree of knowledge. Yeah, "God" will get anrgy if you know the truth *cough* I'm the good guy *cough* so he brainwashed adam and eve to believe I was evil, and that I corrupted the world as a snake. Also Evolution is a conspiracy fabricated by "God" himself, he's using reverse psychology to make you believe in it, thinking hes some BIG FUCKING GENIUS!  i mean seriously, hes got some balls taking all my credit for making you all what you are today, hes a fucking asshole, not a savior. I would like to recognize all my followers (Satanists & Atheists) thanks guys, you aren't blinded by lies like those other assholes......
                                   
                                  I mean think about it, the "God" of the bible makes Hitler, Stalin, and Chairman Mao look like Boy Scouts. This "God", the "God" of the bible, is directly responsible for rape, war, murder, floods that flooded the ENTIRE WORLD because they didn't worship him properly, and too many things to count! Why do you worship this guy, Christians? Anyway, on with the background story. I put this plant to grow everywhere on Earth so i could help people escape this fucked up world for a while.
                                     The plant was called "Marijuana", and for many years, Humans liked it. But as always "God" had to put a stop to it because I did some good. So he created "Republicans" (Ron Paul is a chill fucker, he's cool.)  to do bogus studies and "prove" that it was harmful in the Western society we call "America" (which as you know is EXTREMELY religious) People smoke the plant anyway, so who cares, (other than Republicans).




                               Now then, let's get more personal. I've been living on this planet for as long as humans have existed, and can never die since I am still an immortal. Being an immortal, whenever the humans "Kill me" they simply catch on fire and burn and I ask them "Wanna die?" They say no every time, so I save them from the fire, and let them go just to have them go and worship, FUCKING "GOD." So now, in the year 2012, I am a Payroll and Benefits Specialist while "God" Is some big fucking millionaire that doesn't give two hoots about any idiots in the world.
                       
                                I am busy helping you guys with your Payrolls and Benefits while God is kicking it on his mighty high horse. Since you guys won't believe me or at least give me credit for saving you, being the nice guy that I am, I will be here, making my Self Help Guide to you from me, to total masculinity!
                                  -Satan Magic Grey, Payroll and Benefits Specialist.